


Gambling Off a Piece of Me

by AllieKatheryn



Category: Supernatural RPF
Genre: Betrayal, Broken Friendship, Heartbreak, Introspection, Jared/Jensen POV, Love, M/M, Pain, Poetry, Slash, Unrequited Love, gen - Freeform, hints to past relationship, life - Freeform, not explicit, thoughts
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-03-27
Updated: 2013-03-27
Packaged: 2017-12-06 16:19:31
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 694
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/737670
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/AllieKatheryn/pseuds/AllieKatheryn
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>It was years of my life going up in smoke. I look at myself in the mirror and wonder about the what-ifs, the possibilities, the choices...<br/>I had given you a priceless gift of my trust, you stomped on it, crushed it, destroyed it in a temper tantrum worthy of a 5-year old.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Gambling Off a Piece of Me

**Author's Note:**

> Okayy, I've been playing with this poem since quite some time... Published it on various sites as non-fanon related, HP fanfic, even, NCIS.
> 
> Then I thought, it goes really well with RPF, why not try that...
> 
> Read, leave kudos, comments, ...
> 
> AllieKatheryn.

_  
_

**Gambling Off a Piece Of Me**

  
_Innocence shining, I entered a new world_   


  
__  
_Not knowing whether to believe or not_   


  
_If to believe, then in what?_   


  
_I was alone in that world._   


  
_Some had friends, most did not_   


  
_I was among the most who did not have any_   


  
_Yet, I wanted to believe_   


  
_So I believed in you, gave you my trust_   


  
_Trusting you not to betray_   


  
_Trusting you to cherish what we had_   


  
_Trusting you to believe in me as I did in you_   


  
_Trusting you to forgive me as I would you_   


  
_Trusting you to remind me to smile in bad times_   


  
_Trusting you to share what I thought we had_   


  
_Trusting you to be honest_   


  
_Years went by,_   


  
_It felt like I had invested my life_   


  
_Gambled off a piece of me_   


  
_Yet, I did not regret as_   


  
_I believed in you._   


  
_Then, the rose-tinted mirror shattered_   


  
_My head whirled_   


  
_I could not think_   


  
_Coherency became a forgotten friend, unfamiliar._   


  
_Never had I been superstitious,_   


  
_Now I cannot help but think of the 7 years of badluck_   


  
_After all, it was a mirror that broke,_   


  
_Figuratively, but still a mirror,_   


  
  
_The mirror of our friendship._   


  
_Nearly a third of my life had gone,_   


  
_Spent by your side._   


  
_I picked up the pieces when you were broken,_   


  
_Protected from the shadows when pride forbid you_   


  


_From accepting help,_

  
_Relied on my spy-network of friends_   


  
_Trusted them to tell me what you refused to confide in me,_   


  
_Made you believe that I knew everything._   


  
_But the illusion became as see-through_   


  
_As that hooker's dress in front of Hoover Building._   


  
_You saw through the bluff,_   


  
_Single-handedly, you destroyed years of friendship_   


  
_I can't help but feel that tug in my gut,_   


  
_The tell-tale signs of prickly eyes announcing tears_   


  
_Unashamedly, I did tear up a bit_   


  
_It was years of my life going up in smoke._   


  
_I look at myself in the mirror and wonder_   


  
_About the what-ifs, the possibilities, the choices_   


  
_Could I, Should I, Would I have done more?_   


  
_Had I, would it have been better?_   


  
_I had trusted you_   


  
_You had not returned the gesture_   


  
_I had given you a priceless gift of my trust_   


  
_You stomped on it,_   


  
_Crushed it, destroyed it_   


  
_In a temper tantrum worthy of a 5-year old._   


  
_I would have been, should have been wondering_   


  
_About whether to forgive and forget,_   


  
_But you never saw your mistake,_   


  
_Never acknowledged the mess you made of our bond,_   


  
_Never apologized,_   


  
_Not that I expected you to._   


  
_But I had hoped that you would make that fist step,_   


  
_Much like I had once trusted you,_   


  
_The trust was thrown away, unseen, like yesterday's trash,_   


  
_I should not have expected different for the hope._   


  
_I could rage at the stars,_   


  
_Scream why, for once, could you not act out of character,_   


  
_Cry over a third of my life gone,_   


  
_Whimper over the loss of, whatever it is we had._   


  
_Remember, we used to sit and name the stars?_   


  
_Remember, we used to say that_   


  
_Our friendship was one of a kind?_   


  
_Did you realise that its destruction would be as unique?_   


  
_I had never anticipated such._   


  
_Now, I can't look at you without_   


  
_Resentment bubbling in my heart,_   


  
_Anger burning away all rational sense,_   


  
_Derision over your blindness to this mess._   


  
_How can you not see?_   


  
_Not see that we are no longer the same?_   


  
_Not see that we have drifted so far apart that_   


  
_The horizon feels closer, attainable._   


  
_What burns, pains, pricks, itches,_   


  
_Is that I can't go away,_   


  
_I can't 'not' blame you!_   


  
_Were you not supposed to be the intelligent one?_   


  
_I cannot read you anymore,_   


  
_You think I am ignoring you._   


  
_I am not,_   


  
_I am searching for the person I had met years previous._   


  
_I can't find the person..._   


  
_So great my disappointment is_   


  
_That I can't even bring myself to feel anything,_   


  
_The numb, sweet feeling of morphine spreads._   


  
_Tomorrow, I will look you in the eyes,_   


  
_I will feel none of the pain of these last days,_   


  
_I will move on, some day._   


  
_Perhaps, I will be able to trust again,_   


  
_Perhaps..._   


_  
_

_  
_

**Author's Note:**

> So, you read, how is it? 
> 
> Great? Okie-Dokie? Trash? Has thoughts on making it better?
> 
> Comment!
> 
> (I do not mind constructive criticism, but be nice, this is my first post over here!)
> 
> AllieKatheryn.


End file.
